Milque interview

Right, where do I start with this one. Well, if you’re new to this here zine, then I think I should introduce you to Milque. If you’ve not heard them before, they’re a four piece based in Leeds, that as I write this up, had released one demo, called Dufus. At the time of this interview they’d also just done a bit of a cracking gig at the Duchess in Leeds, and are currently sitting in me car after agreeing to do an interview. But we’ll get to that bit after I finish the intro, which I’d better return to now. So they’ve done a demo, which is ‘kin brilliant. Fine songs in a Machine Head, with a hint of Korn, a dash of Faith No More, even if Colin denies it (more later), and the added appeal of a set of vocals that Aimee, now of Hero, ex HWP would be proud of. And it’s a demo which you should own. If not, well, I’ll put the contact address at the end of this, so you can send for one. If there’s any left. Maybe even send for it, and read this while you listen to the tape.

So as I mentioned, they’ve just done a storming gig, and we’ve retired to the car in a car park in Leeds. Nothing dodgy about that. I should probably add that I was in the throes of some of my anti-Kerrang! moments, which is rare I know, and maybe, just maybe, I influenced little bits of “go on, have a dig”. So I shoulder my responsibility.

So, it’s a long interview, but I think it’s quite entertaining, so that’s enough justification for me. Yeah, I can be a hypocrite when I slag Kerrang! It’s part of my job! Right, I think that’s enough of an intro, time to meet the people. So, in the passenger seat is Colin - guitar, behind me is Duncan - drums, behind Colin is Kaye - bass, and squeezed between Duncan and Kaye is Zoe - vocals. Get all that? Ok, onwards ....

Well, I’d better start with the usual boring crap. Who are Milque ....

Colin starts the ball rolling .... “six months ago, this young lady he points towards Kaye, wandered into the rehersal room, and that was it, sorted. I jokingly said, “now the next person that walks in with really long hair and a Fear Factory t-shirt, ‘they’re in’”. And that’s what she looked like when she came in he laughs, so we were sorted.

We’d had a lot of really bad experiences with bass players Zoe explains further, really good bass players, but complete musos. Like 40 year old guys who obviously just wanted to be in a band once a week.

Duncan just happens to have sat in the worst place it would appear for being captured on tape, so if he doesn’t say much, that’s the reason. None of these drummer jokes please. Anyway, he has his say as well, which at this point is audible on the tape. Yeah no matter who it was, you’d say to them “well what’s your influences then” and one guy went, “well oh I listen to Radio 1” he relates to the amusement of the others. “I don’t have any favourite influences”, well obviously not if you fucking listen to that all day. But then Kaye walked in. Yeah, it was like it just gelled straight away.

So, does the key person in all this want to comment then?

Oh god, well, yeah thinking about it, it is really spooky cos I’ve been in bands for years and years. But I’ve not been in a band for about 3 years. and I thought “right, I want to join a band, but I don’t want to form one”. And I had some really specific ideas of what it was going to be like. I was really picky. And I went to this audition type thing and thought “oh, this band are really great”.

Ever the pragmatist, Colin delivers the clincher. What sealed it though, was that she could tune the damn thing. Yes, that’s the level of skill required in Milque laughs Kaye. If you can tune a bass, then you’re alright. There must’ve been half a dozen or so bassists that came down, and we played in a totally different tuning, just for the hell of it, and tried to explain to some of them, and they were like “duh” and it took 10 minutes to explain. We said to Kaye, and she went “do da do da(or whatever sounds you make tuning a bass) and it was done. I thought, “I like this person”.

So there you go, how to be capable of joining a band. Maybe it’s why I’m not in one, as I’m one of those people that likes the illusion of being able to play the bass, but tune it, pah, that’s just like showing off. My bass guitar has had the same strings for about 4 years now.

Ah been rumbled. You’ve spoilt it all. She brings stolen cans of Tizer to practice as well. I do as well, I steal drinks from work from the drinks machine and bring them to practice. As well as spending most of the time at work doing flyers and photocopying.

There goes that job then.

And for a suitable fee, we won’t mention WHO you work for. Oooooooh. Ah well, the fee never was paid.

Did you read the One Minute Silence interview last time? Please say yes cos it took about 5 years to type up. Anyway it kinda diverged a little from the questions at times. Expect more of the same here, it was that type of chat. Anyway, Zoe does at least attempt to return us to the original train of thought.

So as soon as we had enough material to get a set together, we wanted to start gigging. But we had this guy who was interested in managing bands, and we were really eager about it, cos it was causing us a lot of stress trying to arrange gigs. It was like running a business. So this is where Gavin (the bloke managing them at the time of this interview) comes in. And we really wanted him to manage us, and he wanted to manage us. And that’s been about it really. And guess what, it’s exactly the same as it was grins Colin. You missed the um, comments on the bloke that occured after the gig, cos well, the tape wasn’t going really. Not overly pleased all the time might sum it up though. But still, let’s get back to things.

We did an ad in the back of Kerrang! for people to be able to get the demo. Ah yes, who did the spelling? It was Kerrang!s fault wasn’t it. Yes! Which one, the domo one?

I’m positive that was a typo on their behalf is the defense from Colin, though it might well have been me. Argh, that means it was. Yeah, but the number of replies we had asking “could I have a copy of the domo?

Yeah, well it was like a mixture of our music and contraceptives reckons Kaye. She says things like this, it’s only going to get worse from here in, believe me.

Er yeah, so we got a scary response from that, cos we got like 100 tapes run off, and we didn’t expect that many people to respond, and they did. And what was better was that they wrote back AFTER. They liked it says Colin with a surprise the whole band seem to share. We had people writing saying they liked it, and what they’re favourite track was. Duncan got a phone call from someone in Perth. I really like your tape he says in an accent that is from nowhere near Perth. Even if I didn’t know where it was.

Perth Australia?

No, Perth as in Scotland. Everyone laughs. Doh. Bastards, Ok, so I’m thick sometimes. We do have tapes in Australia though seriously, tapes in the States. Yeah, that’s cos you sold them at your Grandads funeral. That’s how callous you are. I’ve got an uncle who lives in Sydney, and an uncle who lives in the States, so they’ve all got copies. I think everyone else in the band was a little aghast at the idea of knocking out 100 tapes and GIVE THEM AWAY. But it worked. But at the time it was daunting cos it meant shelling out a hell of a lot of money. And that was just after I’d bought the bass as well.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaagh. Fuck! At this point cos my back was turned from the window, I didn’t see the car in the car park that almost reversed into me. Bastard, watch it. Leeds, dodgy area. Already had one car nicked from there, I don’t want another damaged, especially when I’m in it. Yes, I did tape the wankers as well. When they can identify by sound alone, the bastards are going down.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the Milque near death experience. I lost my cool on tape, how bad is that.

We talk a little bit about System of a Down, and the sheer number of samplers that they handed out.

I think that’s one of the things I miss about a lot of the band scene. I remember when I was a lot younger, hearing about bands recording demos, and they spread like wildfire. I think the last time Pantera toured in this country, the big thing was getting hold of copies of the Down demo. And one of my mates got hold of a copy of them, and it was like “wow, yes!”. It just got taped, and taped and taped. Same with Mr Bungle stuff. Which was the first demo that I got. I think if you can build up a buzz that way, rather than what seems to have happened with a lot of American bands, which is suddenly they appear, flavour of the month in every magazine, whereever you turn there’s this particular band. And then they decide “oh dear, my wife’s having a baby, I won’t go play Ozzfest.

Sorry, I succumbed to the temptation. Look, you know I like to rant occassionally, so the opportunity to encourage others to do so? Well, I’m only human .... So would you like to expand on the “magazines”. Say Kerrang! and their claims that they “rely on our writers to find out about exciting new bands”, and then contradict themselves with “British bands never tell us what they’re doing”.

That’s cos their writers are on free trips over to the States obviously. Or they want 500 quid to give a good review of an album. We’ve heard some really nasty rumours about things like that.

Yeah, I’ve heard tales where people have spoken to them, and asked why they wouldn’t review certain UK bands, and apparently the reason was that there was an America band playing the same night. Yet they are SUPPOSED to go and see those bands.

There is a point in time where I remember Kerrang! and Metal Hammer going on big style about this so called “New wave of new wave British Heavy Metal” back in ‘86/87. And that all petered out. And then Wolfsbane and The Almighty came along, and there was this big thing. And then a couple of years back there was Britrock. And I don’t know, the British press don’t seem to have the right idea about nurtuing home grown talent. They just want somebody that sells hard copies. And that’s it.

We did an interview with a fanzine called Undergroove who seemed to like the demo. They are friends with Aniseed, and that’s who the mini-album will probably be released through. Well that’s it. You can build it up through the grass roots level, get in touch with people who are doing fanzines, who are doing their bit promoting shows. Keep in touch with them. Get in touch with other bands. Like we just did a gig with a band who we were on a CD (Inner visions) with, and they’d been meaning to get in touch for ages. They phoned up about a week before, out of the blue, and said “look, we’re playing this gig, do you want to come and play”. Yeah, I’ll check with the band first, but cool. I think it was the best gig that we’ve played, because it was so low pressure, that we had a good time.

So how do you judge that? Is it how you feel you played, or the reaction and feedback you get from people?

How you play, and how you feel about playing. I’ve played the Duchess a number of times with various bands I’ve been in, and I just don’t like the atmosphere there. I don’t think it’s got an atmosphere. It used to be really big y’know, the hub of the alternative gig scene in Leeds. I’ve been here about 6 years now, and it used to be the place to go all the time. But just recently .... And the organisers as well, just do everything they can to make things hard for you. They’re the most unfriendly people I’ve ever come across. And the other thing as well, I know this might sound a bit negative, but it’s not meant to be. As a band, we’ve played the Duchess twice, and as individuals we’ve all played at various points in time. We’re a band who maybe a couple of hundred people around the country have heard, and we just headlined the Duchess. And that used to be at one point a major stopping off point on any national tour for bands. So it says something about the venue.

Duncan is surprisingly to me as I type this, still audible on the tape, so he can say something again.

It’s gone to pot really. But I judge it differently how a gig goes, I go on the reaction that we get. Yeah agrees Zoe. Cos I mean you can play a really bad gig technically, and you can get the best reaction you’ve ever had. You know, it’s how you handle it and how you appear. And if you’re enjoying it no matter what, people pick up on that. I’d much rather play a gig to 30 people who are all into it, than to 200 people who couldn’t give a monkeys. And I think we’ve been fortunate that way in that even when we think we’ve played an absolute stinker of a gig, we’ve had people come up after and say they’ve really enjoyed it. Like tonight, I didn’t think we’d go down well at all, cos it was like an indie night really. And i thought, “what are we doing on this bill, and headlining it as well”, but it went off better than we thought.

I think a lot of people are trying to put us in a category, and they haven’t been able to. They like to put people in boxes and say they’re like this band, or indie. It’s like what you’ve written about us, the HWP, Tura Satana references. Cool, no problem with that. I think it’s Aniseed has us down as Die Cheerleader esque vocals with the musical intensity of Morbid Angel, which just totally threw me! I never expected Morbid Angel, though I was particularly metal this evening.

You couldn’t have been in an All / Descendants t-shirt. That’s punk.

I was with the hair though. It’s hardcore.

Punk, hardcore. What’s the difference.

Punk is British, hardcore is American. Apart from all the hardcore bands in Britain that want to be American, and American punk bands who want to be British. Mmmmm, mentioning no names. Bands should just be themselves.

That’s it. with us it is a case of we’ve all got the same idea of what it is we want to sound like and what we want to be. And one of us will come in with an idea, and the rest of us will build on that. And it comes out sounding the way it does. We’re not trying to sound like anybody else. We don’t particularly WANT to sound like anybody else. It is very much a joint effort thought, we all have a big input on what we sound like, and everyone controls what they sound like. I think as well when you’ve got a free range, you put more into it. We also take a lot out of it. I don’t consider myself to be a great guitarist. I’m not a bad songwriter I think, but not a great guitarist. I don’t know how the others view themselves as musicians, but we play to the best of our abilities.

So is it more important then to write a good song than a bunch of squeals and effects which seems to be a current thing.

Which would you rather hear? A song with a good structure that you remember, or a 30 second wall of noise?

Well that depends on what you want to sell at the time doesn’t it?

The thing is, we’re very critical of the songs, although we’re very quick with them. I mean stuff like Dynamo and Shifter which are the 2 newest,each of those came together within 2 practices. And the new one, which is as yet untitled, but that I want to call Crotchfinger.

I warned you that she came out with these things, there’s more to come.

Surely I’ve got to give it a title as it’s something very personal to me and it’s my lyrics so I have to title it Zoe defends amongst the laughs at Kayes wannabe title.

Well I think it would be a good name for a band.

Crotchfinger or gussetbreathe. If I decide to start a lesbian band, that’s what it’s going to be called.

Oh dear, can we move on to the next question please?

Uh, next question, um, ok, given that there’s two males and two females in the band, are you worried about being compared to Abba?

(They humour me by laughing at this unexpected turn. Nice people). Duncan’s going to dye his hair blonde and buoffant it a bit. You’ve got the beard Duncan points out to Colin. We’re not worried about comparisons to Abba I’m assured. The one thing that I’m worried about, is that being a female vocalist, we’re going to be compared to every other band that has a female vocalist. Because there’s not many of them about, I guess you’re bound to be compared to them.

I stand guilty.

And female bassist as well, cos they’re cropping up all over the place now. Obviously you’ve got Sean and Rayna especially, and you’ve got D’Arcy. I’ve been compared to Rayna, and I’m having trouble with that. It’s just that people have said if you squint your eyes, and I’m five miles away and you take away fifteen pounds that I look like somebody who used to know Rayna. I don’t know, but I imagine being onstage it would just be like an instant comparison. And it pisses me off, cos Rayna’s been playing bass for like 2 1/2 minutes. Besides, Kaye’s got better piercings, better tattoos and is a better bass player.

At the end of the day I don’t think the comparisons hurt, but it would be nice for people to show some originality in who they’re comparing us to.

So help me out then, and say who you would compare yourselves to.

I don’t know that I would compare us to anybody. There are elements of different bands in there.

Another car screeches along the road.

Ever get the feeling there’s going to be a drive by Zoe manages to totally reassure me.

In seeing the various reviews and comments people have made about us, it’s always the Tura Satana / Human Waste Project thing. I don’t think we sound anything like Tura Satana.

(Time for a Dave confession. When I reviewed the demo, I said TS as well. And well, I was way off the mark. Exactly what Zoe mentioned about people just instantly tagging them with the same bands, that is what I was guilty of doing. I’ll stand by the HWP comparison with the vocals, but TS, nope. I was wrong.)

But people seem to forget about all the other female fronted bands that have been around. I mean I still occasionally listen to Fear of God with Dawn Crosby singing for them. God forbid sometimes The Genitorturers. There are a lot of women singing with bands. But there are certain ones that just happen to be darlings of the UK press, and I’ve got no problem with that, cos I happen to think some of those bands are absolutely sound.

But the UK press can destroy them as well.

But the American labels can destroy them even quicker.

The industry in general.

As long as people realise like you said in the review, that they are reference points, like Faith No More around the time of The Real Thing, where people were going “well, they sound a bit like this, and a bit like this ...”. Eventually it became that they just sound like Faith No More. I think you’ve got to have the reference points there to begin with for people to think “I like this and I like this, so I think I’ll try them out”. And eventually it will become Milque sound like Milque.

So what Milque does Milque sound like? (Oh come on, it’s about 11.30 at night, and I’m trying hard to respond to responses, do things off the cuff. Be quick witted. Ok, I may be failing at it, but I’m trying ....)

Sour. Very. With lots of lumpy quaggly bits.

I’m trying to think of the question I had in my mind a few minutes ago, but it’s gone (and it never bloody returned. If someone spots it flying around somewhere, could they please return it to me for the next time.)

Right, what else would you like to know? Who else would you like us to assassinate verbally.

Ah, the red rag to a bull.

We heard a really old Tarrie B song when she was a rapper and had the blonde hair and everything. It was the cover photo that completely stunned me. She had like the hat on and was in this macho sort of pose. And in her fingers was like a biro, “my pen is my weapon.” And she had these long manicured fingernails. The complete opposite to what she is now. -. Or she looked maybe like Gwen Stefani would look with even worse dress sense. It just looked really bad.

Oops. I just wrote the Keeping it Real section from the last YAZ mere days before this interview. Sorry, I can’t resist the temptation once more ....

So do you think that Tarrie is Keeping It Real then with the image change?

She’s still rapping. I think Tura Satana is probably more real than most. Well she obviously got slapped about a bit, and realised she had to go to a different scene, cos she couldn’t do rap any more. Well how many white women are there in rap.

Sorry, but the Keeping It Real thing is bugging me at the moment, so do you “keep it real?” What is that supposed to mean?

Yeah, Colin adopts not a very good American accent, we’re keeping it real and down in the hood. If it means that we’re not trying to emulate that Californian scene then yeah we are “keeping it real.We’re being ourselves.

Yeah, but that’s what the bands keeping it real claim themselves. Except they’re not, cos as far as I’m concerned, most of them are denying who they were in the 80s and just denying the obvious influences.

Well have you seen the old Pantera photographs.

(I think probably everyone has. Sorry, but me being me, I’m now on a roll and saying more than I should when I’m supposed to be interviewing people.) I think the thing that bugs me is how everyone claims to have always been a punk or hardcore fan. Where were they in the 80s? When they are claiming to have been a fan. Why weren’t those gigs selling out arenas, and all the metal bands “who no-one ever liked, listened to or saw” in toilets. It don’t think it was like that. I got into punk and hardcore AFTER metal. Cos when I was growing up in the 80s metal was the dominant music. Not punk. In terms of sales (whether that means anything or not), and also in terms of sheer visibility. I didn’t see people walking round with punk shirts. But I saw a shitload walking round in every metal band under the sun’s shirts.

Yeah, I mean the number of bands in the states who claim to have met up and formed after a Black Flag gig. Well it’s like when we were kids you were into the punk thing, and then it was a natural progression really to go from punk to metal. I mean I was into the Damned and stuff like that and then went on to Motorhead. And I think that although there were divisions back then, I think that now it’s all the same kind of thing. It makes me laugh when you get this “they’re hardcore, they’re kind metal or this that and the other”. I mean to me it’s all the same kind of thing at the end of the day. Unless it’s Poison or some shite like that. There’s two kinds of music in the world, good music and bad music. We just wanted to have a sound where we could have really huge like Helmet or Machine Head riffs but have a female vocalist, not screaming or shouting, but just actually sing. Cos I can’t actually scream it’s not natural to me.

Ah, that reminds me of one thing I was meaning to ask. Did you see the interview recently with Korn in Metal Hammer, and Fieldy was there and being asked if he would ever work with a female vocalist.

Oh yeah, and he just slagged into female vocalists or something.

Yeah, I was just wondering what you thought of that (sorry, must’ve been in a particularly vicious mood this night, laying down all the bait).

Colin visibly cringes (I know cos I said so onto the tape at the time). I think he’s got some face on him for a guy who looks like he stepped out of a Cheech and Chong movie, or a Charlie Chan movie audible sniggers in the back and for a guy who used to play in a band called LAPD and him making that comment after Jon Davies had been in the studio with Human Waste Project. He’s entitled to his opinion.

I really worry about stuff like that, cos women in the music scene have got it really hard already. I mean, both me and Zoe put up with an awful lot of shit. I mean like at a place like the Duchess. And when big bands like Korn who are so influential start spouting all this stuff and there’s like all these 15 year old kids going “oooh, I’m not going to see a band if it’s got a female vocalist, they must be shit”. The thing is, they turn you being a woman into an issue completely. And I don’t know, that’s just the way it is, but I can’t believe it. Yeah, but I guarranttee you that if you went topless onstage, no-one would complain.

That depends. Limp Bizkit in the States allegedly when they do the Faith cover, they get all the girls up on stage, like they did here, but then Fred was encouraging them all to lift their tops, even though many of them were under 16.

Well if the girls do that, then they’re fucking stupid, because you get what you ask for.

But isn’t it that at 15 they’re going to be influenced if the guy is encouraging them to do something like that, and they look up to the guy and hang on his words.

Well I don’t know. I mean, I suppose people are different, but I’d just tell him to fuck off. I guess it would show how easily led you are. I think that’s just a reflection on American culture. I can’t imagine that happening over here. It’s like a closet paedophilia.

See, this returns it as well to the keep it real. He goes on about how different LB are, how terrible the 80s were etc, and that sounds like exactly the sort of thing all the bands like Motley Crue, Poison etc would’ve done. Or did do. And then of course on Ozzfest in the States, there’s this toilet thing, with a dominatrix emerging from there.

It doesn’t matter, cos Limp Bizkit are not going to be around for a long time anyway. Because they’re just a gimmick band. They’re like a band that are alright for now all that happy guys stuff. But they’re not going to be around in 5 years time. Doing a stunt like that, if you think about it, is just going to be the Spinal Tap thing in 15 years time. Does anybody remember WASP? asks Colin. Thankfully no. It’s all kind of cliche. It’s like, well this is my personal point of view, the Marilyn Manson thing. Y’know “I’m Satan, I smoke bones.” Yeah, course you do son. I just kind of worry about it, with the role models that people are getting know. There’s just so much negativity everywhere, especially where women are concerned. I’m probably sounding like some ranting feminist stop that snigger down the front, but it just does my head in, this whole “tits out”. Can’t believe it’s still happening really.

That’s what I mean, all the bands are just doing the same as before, but with a different facade for the press.

I think that’s where something like Tura Satana is a good thing. You’ve got someone like Tarrie B standing onstage going “don’t just be the girlfriend, get up and do your own thing.The only thing is, she pretends that she’s not sexual in any way, and she obviously is. Some of the clothes that she wears are over the top. She denies using it, but she definitely does. Yeah but then you’ve got to talk about is she using it for herself questions Colin. Or is she making an ironic statement one wonders. I think that as long as you’ve got women in whatever musical genre who are doing what they want to do, then all power to them.

But I think it’s all changing now. I mean, Ozzfest was a bit of an eye opener for me really. There were only two women on stage, and yet, and it’s the same with the racial issue as well, cos metal used to be such a white thing and it’s a bit more multi-racial now, but the crowd at Ozzfest was a real good mix of people. And what I really liked to see was that looking round, there was women of all shapes and sizes. You know, just everyone was there and having a good time. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what size you are, or if you’re male of female, black, white, green, it doesn’t matter.

And mud’s a great leveller anyway.

Yeah, I think that was one of the good things about Ozzfest though. You stood there, you got black guys, white guys, Chileans, Puerto Ricans, Brazilians. It’s amazing how I JUST SAID THAT counters Kaye to laughter at Colins expense all round.

Time for another question. Did you remember the one from earlier? asks Zoe.

It might have been the Fieldy issue, or it might have been whether there is a Faith No More riff ....(bastard didn’t let me finish, though everyone laughed at him again).

I can categorically say in all honest, No, it’s not a Faith No More riff. what the fuck is it then Colin? It might well sound like the start of Ashes To Ashes, this is something that Duncan used hammer on at me about. We would just add that it is us versus Colin on this one. It may well sound like it, but I swear ... Zoe’s having none of it. It is not a rip-off. I’ll be honest, if I was going to rip something off, I would say so. I think I’ve heard Ashes to Ashes maybe a dozen times, and the majority of that since I wrote the song. Yeah is the thoroughly unconvinced utterance of Colin. Who’s still coming through surprisingly well on the tape I might add.

That’s the truth. The whole truth.

Personally I think the best thing you can all do is buy the demo yourself and make your own judgement.

So would you ever allow that particular riff to be used in a remix single then?

It depends on whether we’re going to get sued for it or not really doesn’t it? laughs Kaye. I think we could, cos it’s one of those things where I don’t think anyone can turn around and accuse us of plagiarism. But people obviously have. No, people have just said it sounds similar, not that it’s the same riff.

I must admit though, that the Coal Chamber song Loco where it starts off, well I listened to Skinlab, and there’s a track on the album, I don’t know what it’s called, but it starts off exactly the same.

Yeah, and listen to Primus, the track Too Many Puppies from the Frizzle Fry album, and then listen to Blind by Korn. Um, well, spot where the K band got the influence for THAT song. It’s a total rip-off. And then claim how original they are.

There were a lot of bands in the 80s who were quite blatant about where they ripped off riffs from. But in the credits they’d write “arranged by”, nothing who it was written by. Napalm Death used to be absolute bastards for it.

There’s a track on the Sevendust album which has THE standard thrash riff.

Yeah, I know the one you mean. And it still sounds great. Yeah, that’s it. If it sounds good and you’re not knowledgably ripping off someone, then go with it. And if it reaches the point where another band turns round and says “we’re going to sue your ass for it” say well, prove that it’s where I got it from.

Yeah, I mean there’s a track on the Libery 37 No Beauy EP, Take It Like A Man, which is just a bastardised version of Paranoid, and when I asked them about it, the guy said he didn’t realise until people pointed it out.

It’s like Red Fridge tonight (one of the indie bands who supported them what seems like hours earlier) with that song tonight. And it was just like the total rip off of the intro to Number of the Beast. I suppose drummers are lucky that way, cos they just rip each other off something chronic. Well that’s it, he turns round says I’ll rip this beat off Faith No More and this bit off another band we know. We played with a band in Bradford, and I heard this bit the drummer played and thought “I’ll have that!”. I saw an interview once with Chad Smith (Chilli Peppers drummer) and he said it was like “steal and borrow”. If some drummer pinches your stuff you take it as a compliment really.

At the end of the day, there’s so much music in the world, it’s impossible to come up with something original. There are no new ideas, there’s just different ways of playing them.

I think with us as well, we all have different tastes, and our record collections do tend to go back a little way. Saturday night was like a late 80s thrash night after we played the Fenton. Sat there listening and thinking “God I remember this”. Yeah apart from me. Right, that one’s done to death, what’s next.

Christ, you’re pushing me here. Well you’re supposed to be interviewing us, we’re doing all the work for you. I’ve got to do the typing. What’s the worst question you’ve ever been asked? (While I try to think of another one).

Is that haircut for real? What, you’ve been asked that? Back when I had a perm. Ah, I think you’ve admitted too much now Colin. Worst one was not a question but a statement, “are you somebodies girlfriend in the band?”. Ooooooooooh. Actually the worst question I’ve ever been asked, and this was an absolute classic, was when I was in an industrial band, and we played the Duchess and did a soundcheck. And apparently the vocalist of the other band went up to the guitarist and the vocalist and said “oh the bassist, she’s alright”, and he said “so which one of you two is she fucking then? Actually there was one tonight as well, cos I used the other bands drums, and the owner asked me if I wouldn’t hit the drums too hard.

Getting back to that thing earlier about being a girl in a band. The thing for me and Kaye is I find it can take some of the pressure of you, cos they tend not to have that high an expectation of you if you’re a lass. I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. Yeah I definitely feel that, so that if you do a good show they’re really impressed at what you can do. I suppose, but the worst thing they can do then is come up to you after and go “you didn’t do bad .... for a girl”. I think so far for me personally it’s worked to my advantage.

Actually Kaye is currently suffering in the volume department, and is saying some stuff that I can’t make out. And I’ve thought of something. There were plans to record a mini album or something. Do you want to say anything about that?

It started off being a single, then the guy at Aniseed got in touch and said “how would you feel about doing an EP or a mini-album?” And we said uuuhh, scary, and he said “it would be to your advantage.” So we kind of like trust him on that. And it’s going to be about 6 tracks at the moment, well it’s not going to be any more than that. It’s when it turns into double album with a concept running through it all. A double mini album. So we’re going to be recording that in August, and he’s going to be putting that out in the Autumn hopefully. And it’s going to be mail order only. I think it’ll be more advantageous for us than doing another demo. We go in, record, and then hand it over and let him deal with the hassle. And also we get free PR which he’ll organise for when it’s released.

Ah, so you can arrange to get people to interview you properly.

What’s a proper interview? I have no idea. We did an interview and were asked if we were into the ‘net. They have a website etc. It’s one of the common things within the band, this liking of pornography. We all have a taste for it. I finally finally got hold of some of Colin’s porn mags, so I know feel truly a part of the band.

Little anecdote. The night before Ozzfest it was a case of we’re all round at Zoe’s, and the singer from a band called Stab Happy had lent Zoe and Simon a couple of porn tapes. Very bad porn. There was myself, the bassist from Stab Happy and Kaye watching this porn. It’s German, so Kaye’s translating for us, everything, “oh no, don’t do that, shove it up my ass, I like that”. And it got to the end of the first film and it was like “that was absolute pants.” Kaye says, “right, I’m off to bed, if there’s any decent girl-girl scenes, rewind and save it for the morning.” So we’re there eating our weetabix, and said “Kaye, we saved some for you”. I watched a fisting for breakfast. Which set the tone for the day. Whoever says women are the gentler species, fuck that shit. Admittedly I didn’t get off on it. I was quite shocked and it put me off my cereal.

So how exactly do you follow that then? I dunno, so those infamous “final words” are all that can save me from corruption now I think.

Well, we may come across as being bitchy and nasty to people, but in actual fact we’re very nice people. Who’s next? Can I just say I’d like to thank God and Elvis. Anybody else? At the end of the day, we have to be happy with what we do. And we’re better looking than Coal Chamber. And taller. And none of us were in a Mexican boy band. We might put other bands down, but it’s not personal, it’s just our opinions. If somebody else says something that we don’t like, we’ll retort. And if someone says something about us that we don’t like, fine, that’s their opinion. We’re happy being us. But Pantera are shite though Zoe finishes things to much laughter.

Did you make it? Nice one. Sorry about the colours, but there was a lot to include.Well, there you have it. By the time you read this, the mini-album will hopefully have been recorded. And the band won’t have been sued. Though I played my part in offering the bait. Still, it was fun I think. Which is what it should be about at the end of the day.